Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Changes ; symptoms

Thursday, exactly before the isya prayer; where people went to tadarus with their usrahs, F112 DESK 1.

I found something was not right with me. It has always been like that.
Since, my parents sent me to live with my grandparents during my childhood. The sour feeling of being left behind is not alien to me anymore. Where my childhood is different from others, living with parents under one roof, getting to know their own parents, going on holidays with parents where parents can buy alotsa toys to their children made me envied to every person.

  • Health condition : terrible
Having had several bad coughs and dynamically awkward fever lately. The diarrhea and gastric attacks had annoyed me every hour. Runny nose becomes the main problem of my breathing difficulty. I was quite shocked when asked by Arab, a fellow classmate,
Weh, ko boleh bernafas guna berapa belah hidung.
2 lah. Aku selalu nafas guna satu belah aja. Oh yakah!
Camne nak cek? Ko hembus nafas guna hidung, cek guna jari tahan depan hidung.
Unluckily, me too can only exhale using only one of two holes of the nose(wonder ppl got 3 holes). Ahs, i had been admitted at the Seremban Hospital because of chest pain lately. Thanks to Iqmal for accompanying me.

  • Peer pressure
Living in with people whom i never mingle with before makes my life miserable. I admit, i am a person that can makes a lot of friends but cannot be a good ones. Plus, i only hangs out with people with my own clique. Different ideas, different styles, different way of lives from other people always bounds me to mix with others. Sometimes, it is better this way because I can live my own life and they can live theirs as long as they are not disturbing mine.

But, unfortunately, i cannot live that kind of way. I had been given a heavy responsibility where a lot of commitments needed towards the people i barely know. I am the type who enjoys to do what i like and love. Yes, it is called sincerity. But, i am not always sincere. I do not know whether i am sincere enough to satisfy the needs of others because i am a total mess myself.

  • Homesick
It is actually very hard for me to admit this. Yes,I am a homesick person. Before this, i had never lived more than 100km radius from home.Even though, i studied at a boarding school before, but it is just 15 minutes away from home. Gee, it is hard for me actually. Left alone stranded here, with no close friends that always let me stayed at their houses, no Kak Ema that always lend me a pair of helping hands when i am in troubles, no hanging outs with junkies.

Eventhough i am homesick but i tried my best not to leave from here.

* I do not know what i am turning into. Somebody out there, help me. Maybe i am in need of moral support. Or i am just not being grateful of what i have at this moment.


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