New start.

Bismillah, 

Hello, it has been a long time i have not updated this blog. Well not to say that i completely ignored this site but i just have too much priorities too think off first. Well, i am back to start from zero. Yes, back from the start like one of Chris Martin's songs. I think the best solution is to begin from here on my own deserted cottage. 

Currently, I am on my second year course of MBBS on becoming a healer. On a few weeks time, i have a really big exam coming. Not to say that im completely ignorant about it. I do worry about it. Just that, I don't want to get stressed out and do nothing. Maybe try my level best and tawakal. That's the plan. But it is actually millions times harder to walk the talk. Haha. I still don't have the consistency to remain focus. Well, not to escape from the reason that I am lazy, but a few factors that really hold me back. 

Life has been good and cruel to me. I guess it is the same for everyone else. Just that, I am currently in one of my lowest point in life. Sometimes, i got sad, in a few ocassions I'm enjoying myself. It is just the inconsistency in life makes me wonder, do I really have to suffer the pain and happiness in life by myself? 

Yet, I am still alone by myself. I had been dumped, ignored, rejected, etc. All of because of my mistakes. I don't really look myself higher than other people but i really do envious with guys that can be happy with their partners. Maybe It's not my turn yet. Maybe, I am not destined for such happiness. Only God decides my fate. 

Recently, I am admitting that I am fond of this one friend. I do not know whether I like her and want her just because to fill the emptiness or it is really a true feeling. Yet, I am afraid to approach her. I don't want to lose the friendship we had. I am an isolated person. She can just knocked off that barrier and knows that I am in trouble. I am afraid that everything will turn awkward if i confess my feelings. Frankly speaking, I like her a lot and it can't be described by words. 

I am afraid this will turn into lust and infatuation. 

I just want someone that understands me. I am willingly to go beyond the limit if there is such people. 

I will be waiting for that one person if she really exist. I will put my future on the line. 

Here goes my feelings at the moment. Hope no one reads this. Hehs. 

I will try my best to finish my drafted posts.  Until next time. Salam :')