Ramadan is today

Bismillah.

Salam ramadan people. I don't know how to express my feeling on this blessful month except that iam feeling a little bit glee and blissful. I am looking forward on coming days of Ramadan. 

I still remember on the 2nd day of ramadan last year, my ankle got sprained in front of masjid. I missed teraweh most of it last year. So, to make up to ramadan last year, i am setting my goal that i am going to teraweh every night for this whole month. :) InshaAllah if Allah permits.

I am looking positively to change my attitudes and most of all tonget the benefits of ramadan. I hope that i got a lot of pahalas this month when doing dah sincerely.

Pray to me guys. InshaAllah we will get this through togeher. Amin.

Salam and bye.

Letting go

I am officially letting go the dearest person that ever touched my heart and soul. Thank you for everything. I wont ever forget you for the rest of my life. 

I love you forever. :')

llll

Tomorrow.

Bismillah.

Im a bit nervous for tomorrow. Still have half a day before exam. I dont know whether im prepared or not. I want to do well in this exam. Quite have a high hope in this one. But then again, im nervous as hell. 

I just realised when im on this para, that, everythng will be decided by Allah. Even how many efforts i put on the  subject itself the only one who determines that how much i can understand and how well i can perform for tomorrow paper is only Him. The only thing i can do is Tawakal. Istill have time to do my last revision. I do hope doing past years MTFs will help me so that i can remember what i learn. 

At this hour, i do really hope that someone will accompany me and listen to my annoying feelings of insecurities. I am really regretful that before this i did have someone to care for me. :'( 

Till another time. Pray for me. Salam. 

Suicide post

Bismillah, 

Recently, i have been burden with so many things in my head. I could not even have someone to share it with. Or, i, myself have a problem to share it with others. I am so insecure and i cannot trust anyone.

With the burden piling up. I am so in distress. Right now i am feeling that i want to commit suicide. But, i still have a little sense left in me to hold me back. 

I feel like i want to cry but i am not the crying-type of person in front of others. The only time i feel like crying is only on sajadah during dawn. Im making a fool of myself.

I hope that i can cope with this problems. Pray for me friends. Salam :'(

Enjoying single life

Disagree - Crumbs. 

Someone please listen to this song. It tells me what i feel right now. 

Big world.

Say he wants to see the light for once.

Well maybe if you try.

It's so sad.

Babe don't look so sad. 

I've got it wrong today.

And if she doesn't go your way.

Look up to blue skies, say hey.

It's okay.

It's okay.

:'(

Syok sendiri

Salam,

Such a cold weather in rainy season. Not just the temperature, but also human hearts. Well, not all, just some few. 

I have been trying to know a person very well. I just feel that the feeling ain't mutual. Again, i don't want to involve in a relationship that my feelings are subsided and ignored. I just don't get it. Is it that i am too sensitive or i don't really deserve the mutual concerns over each other. 

Probably, i am a person with so too much EQ that it consumes me to pieces. I cared until at a point it breaks me. Such occassions happened more than once. It happened again. Selfishness has consumed mankind till love has not been permit to exist. I don't think i am sad. But, it just wretched my heart a little. 

Maybe, i need to stop doing what i am doing, and keep searching for the one... That understands the feel of a guy, who has been lonely and longing for his mutual understandings. 

I am going to have a nice breakfast in an hour or two. Who wants to join me? :3 

Sunday noon.

Bismillah,

Another relaxing sunday, me and friends are chatting about old times. Everything sounds fun. Eventhough I am not fond of those memories, but remembering happy moments are nice. Such significant events do make us human. I have read somewhere in the internet, our minds only remember the things we want to remember. Most of it the happy times. But, why the sad part of my life is so significant to me.

Just want to update what is happening around me, firstly, I have been listening to unorthodox jukebox for quite a while. It has been along time i didnt enjoy music. Yeah, i am really left behind in entertainment news and so on. It really nice to listen to quality like Bruno Mars. Plus, the melancholy-relationship-ish kind of songs really suit me at the moment. Whan i was your man, gorrilla, locked out of heaven are nice songs to listen. But, the lyrics are bit vulgar and not that good. So that's a minus. 

I have two tests coming up on Tuesday and Thursday. I am not yet prepared. Well, not that I want to procrastinate the revision but the body and mind are too tired and i just think that i will not understand at all what i read. I really hope i get the consistent motivation and focus when i open my notes. In addition, a good environment to study is a plus. Right now, i am very lazy and study while lying down on bed. I just hope someone would knock me on the head kick my lazy bum to tell me to start study. 

So i think that is all for today. I do have something in my mind to share but i will tell on the next post. So, until then Salam :3

New start.

Bismillah, 

Hello, it has been a long time i have not updated this blog. Well not to say that i completely ignored this site but i just have too much priorities too think off first. Well, i am back to start from zero. Yes, back from the start like one of Chris Martin's songs. I think the best solution is to begin from here on my own deserted cottage. 

Currently, I am on my second year course of MBBS on becoming a healer. On a few weeks time, i have a really big exam coming. Not to say that im completely ignorant about it. I do worry about it. Just that, I don't want to get stressed out and do nothing. Maybe try my level best and tawakal. That's the plan. But it is actually millions times harder to walk the talk. Haha. I still don't have the consistency to remain focus. Well, not to escape from the reason that I am lazy, but a few factors that really hold me back. 

Life has been good and cruel to me. I guess it is the same for everyone else. Just that, I am currently in one of my lowest point in life. Sometimes, i got sad, in a few ocassions I'm enjoying myself. It is just the inconsistency in life makes me wonder, do I really have to suffer the pain and happiness in life by myself? 

Yet, I am still alone by myself. I had been dumped, ignored, rejected, etc. All of because of my mistakes. I don't really look myself higher than other people but i really do envious with guys that can be happy with their partners. Maybe It's not my turn yet. Maybe, I am not destined for such happiness. Only God decides my fate. 

Recently, I am admitting that I am fond of this one friend. I do not know whether I like her and want her just because to fill the emptiness or it is really a true feeling. Yet, I am afraid to approach her. I don't want to lose the friendship we had. I am an isolated person. She can just knocked off that barrier and knows that I am in trouble. I am afraid that everything will turn awkward if i confess my feelings. Frankly speaking, I like her a lot and it can't be described by words. 

I am afraid this will turn into lust and infatuation. 

I just want someone that understands me. I am willingly to go beyond the limit if there is such people. 

I will be waiting for that one person if she really exist. I will put my future on the line. 

Here goes my feelings at the moment. Hope no one reads this. Hehs. 

I will try my best to finish my drafted posts.  Until next time. Salam :')